I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
