Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
