Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
