i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
