hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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