shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i think im in europe. pls send help
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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