I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
