"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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