he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
