no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
