found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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