I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
