ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
