Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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