I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
