nut hugger
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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