I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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