we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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