I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
