I'm going to jail i love you
i barfeds in our rink
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
