From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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