can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
