After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
