We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
