is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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