I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
