is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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