ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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