D3 body, D1 cock
You just made me feel so damn special
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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