Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
