I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
