the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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