I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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