you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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