There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
