Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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