I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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