at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
