Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
