he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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