he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just gift wrapped bread.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
