So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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