And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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