After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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