I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
