I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My balls are so social today.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His hands were made for my vagina.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
