can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
