I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
