tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
operation have a gay friend backfired
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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