Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
