apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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