she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
