No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
