Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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