I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
