get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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