I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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