so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
