The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
