i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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