He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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