I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize