Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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